Your Conversation: A step-by-step guide

And don't forget to visit our website after your conversation to report it--helping us meet our goal of 1,000 new conversations in the church!

The How To...

Step 1: Pledge a Conversation

• Click on "Pledge a Conversation" on the right side of the page just below the calendar.
• A pledge form will pop up.  Add your name, email, presbytery, the number of conversations you would like to pledge to have, and any other information you want us to know.  If you are unsure what your presbytery is or have other particular questions, let us know in the "notes" section.
• We'll receive your pledge and mark it on the map!

Step 2: Set up the conversation

• You may want to pave the way by generating interest in your church or presbytery.Talk to a clergy member or session member in your church about the 1,000 Conversations project and your enthusiasm for it. See if there is interest to promote it in the church. See if you can get it included in announcements and in the bulletin. If you're active in your Presbytery, please consider mentioning 1,000 conversations at an announcement time during presbytery meetings, and it appropriate, send an email to presbytery staff asking for their help in promoting the conversation.
• Who should I have this conversation with?Think about someone in your congregation or Presbytery who you don't know so well. Our goal is to break down the barriers between us, so it will be useful to choose someone who things differently from you on the issue of LGBT ordination.
• When should I ask them?You can approach your potential conversation partner before worship, after worship, at social hour, at any church event or committee meeting, or during or after a break or meal time at Presbytery meetings. For many of us, this may be the hardest part of the conversation - that first hello. Post your tips or ideas for asking someone to be your conversation partner in the comments section below.
• What should I say?
Possible introductory lines:

"Hi. I'm           and I was wondering if you're free for a cup of coffee and a conversation sometime this week?"

"Hi. I'm . Have you heard of the 1,000 Conversations project? It's about building friends in the church during this year when the presbyteries are voting on the amendment to ordination standards. I'm really hoping to be one of those conversations and I'm hoping it could be with you. Do you have time this week to tell me about your faith journey, maybe over a cup of coffee?"

          *Know your schedule! Be ready to make a date right then and there. It could even be lunch right after social hour. If you can't schedule immediately, be sure to have a pen ready and take down their phone number. You can exchange phone numbers, but be sure you have their phone number so you can take the initiative to follow up.

         *Food helps! A meal is truly a powerful setting in which to join in fellowship. The early Christian community was always meeting around food. Even better, have people bring food they've made. The very act of complimenting someone's food can break down barriers.

Step 3: Have the conversation

• We Come Together. We created this document to provide you and your conversation partner with a perspective on how to talk with each other. You could even read it over together at the start of your conversation, saying something like: "I went on the 1,000 Conversations website and they had a really good article about how we could approach our time together. Do you mind if we read it together? I brought you a copy too."


• Be mindful. If you have a favorite neighborhood hangout where everybody knows your name, you might choose a different location. There will be more comfort and safety if you're not being interrupted regularly by friends interested in saying hi and wanting to meet your new friend. It's always best to find a place that is neutral for both of you.
• Remember that your conversation partner may only know you and your invitation. That is to say, you ARE 1,000 conversations and in their eyes you may be seen as a "host" or "expert" or leader of this meeting. With that in mind, be sure to come a few minutes before your meeting time. Your partner may be a little nervous and having to wait for you, even if you are on time, won't help put them at ease.


• Ground Rules. You may want to discuss possible agreements that will make you feel more comfortable having a conversation. For instance, you could:
• Agree to keep you conversation confidential.
• Agree not to comment on each others stories.
• Agree to take turns.
• Agree to be open-minded and not to judge each other.
• Agree to listen to understand--to expand our insights, to see differences and similarities, to learn.


• What should I say to get things started? The goal of the conversation is for you each to share your lives and through doing so make a new relationship that transcends positions on issues. Start your time together with an appreciation for coming together and go forward from there any way you wish. Here are some ideas if you're feeling stuck or unsure how to get things started:

"Thanks for having this conversation with me. I know sometimes people start by telling a few things about themselves, like where they grew up, how long they've been coming to this church, how they spend their time during the day, and things like that. Does that sound good to you?"

"I'm glad you could come. Some people begin these conversations by sharing their faith journey in ten-year increments. One of us could tell about our journey from one to ten and then the next person. And then we'd take turns going from 10-20 and so on. How does that sound to you?"

"I'm really glad we're doing this but I'm a little nervous, too. Would you like to pray together before we start?"

Or take turns answering questions from this list:

1. What did you love about church when you were growing up?
2. What first brought you to your current congregation? What keeps you coming back?
3. Where have you seen God (or the Holy Spirit, or felt Christ with you) this week?
4. What do you see as the mission and the vision for the church in the world?
5. What has been your personal journey that has brought you to where you are today regarding the ordination standards issue?
6. What concerns do you have for the church/for our congregation?
7. What are your hopes and dreams for what the church could be?
8. How do you think we, as a church, can answer Christ's call for reconciliation?

• Other things to consider
• If there are several people in the conversation, seat yourselves in a way that minimizes barriers. For instance, make sure that people are not grouped together by their position on the issue of ordination standards.
• We may feel passionate about what we are saying. We can be civil and loving at the same time.
• Humor can be a gift for easing tension.
• Conversations should continue if at all possible. Before you leave, make another date. If that doesn't seem possible, send a follow-up note of thanks and appreciation.


• The Goodbye. Thank your conversation partner for joining you and sharing their time and their life with you. Here are some ideas for closing:


• Each of you share one thing that was important to you about your time together.
• Each of you say something you appreciate about the other person. (Make sure it's really about the other person and not about you.)
• Make a date for another conversation.
• Ask if there are any lingering questions or concerns.
• Each of you say something you are looking forward to in the next day or so.
• A prayer
• A hug, if you both feel like it!

Step 4: Report your conversation.

• Let us know how it went!Follow that link or click on "Report a Conversation" on the right side of the page just below the calendar. Enter your information so we can update our records, and in the notes section, write a few words about your experience.


• Encourage someone else. Share the outcome of your conversation, how you were feeling before, during, or afterward, or any advice or tips you would offer others who want to have a conversation by posting a comment below, typing it into the "notes" section of "Report a Conversation" or sending to us by email at onethousandconversations@gmail.com. No full names or personal details your conversation partner would not want shared.


• What about the other 999? We won't get to 1,000 conversations across the whole church unless you help us spread the word!


• Sign up to hold a conversation, and make sure to come back to confirm you've had your conversation.
• Let your friends on facebook or other social networking sites know about this project--you can even join our 1,000 Conversations group on facebook!
• Talk to folks in your church or presbytery about 1,000 conversations--make an announcement if you can!

We appreciate your help so much! We know that by coming together in a fellowship of true dialogue we can strengthen the whole church to be a community of respect, faith, and unity. They will know we are Christians by our love!